Baby Duo Equals Naruto's Doom?
by mistressinwaiting
Summary: -In which, what Madara couldn't accomplish could be done by two little babies
1. Lullaby 1

-In which, what Madara couldn't accomplish could be done by two little babies

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><p><strong>Okay, this was (and still is) chapter 65 of my collection of oneshots <em>It's funny when<em> but, because it got positive reviews and because I loved it so much, I am making this its own story. So hooray! This is my 47th story, and hopefully I'll get the next chapter up pretty soon. Enjoy!**

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><p>°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°<p>

❤❀~Chapter One~❀❤

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

"Oh, dear, this is _bad_..."

"You're telling _me_! Kakashi-sensei, _both_ Teme and Sakura-chan look like they want to _kill_ me!"

"I'm . . . I'm sure that's not the case, Naruto-kun."

"Yeah? Then how do you explain their evil-eyed 'I'm-gonna-kill-you-Naruto/Dobe' glare, Hinata-chan?"

"_Well_ . . ."

"_See_? I'm dead, Hinata-chan! Dead! _Dead_!" And with that, Naruto fell to the ground, buried his face in the dirt, and cried a river of tears. "My life's _ruined_!"

**_Your_ life's ruined?** Both Sasuke and Sakura seemed to think along those lines. They glanced at each other and started plotting out their stupid teammate's slow and painful death.

"Well . . ." Kakashi tried to think of something to say to cheer Naruto up. "At least, Tsunade hasn't found out yet. Imagine what would happen if she finds out that her top medic and one of her top shinobi are now babies."

But all that did was make Naruto cry even more. "Oh, _no_! I'll _never_ become Hokage if _that_ happened!" He gasped and hugged his sensei's ankles. "Kakashi-_sensei_! You _have_ to help me! I can't die _yet_! I'm only _eigthteen_! I'm too _young_ to die!"

"Goo-gioonk _gah_-guoo!" **You think _you're_ young? **"Joo-u-gah goo ehch awga ha-saa-uu-k!" **Just look at me and Sasuke-kun!**

"Hn." **You _better_ fix this, dobe.**

"_Aw_! You two are just so . . . so _cute_!" And Hinata went to pick up her girl friend. "Especially _you_, Sakura-chan! So adorable! Yes, you are! Yes, you _are_!"

"Hee-ah-na-_an_!" **Hinata-_chan_!** Baby Sakura looked as though she would start crying. Why was nobody trying to come up with a solution? She didn't want to stay a baby forever!

"Aw, is someone a bit _grumpy_?"

"_Gahpy_?" **_Grumpy_?** "Id u _saey_ saa-uu-k?" **Did you _see_ Sasuke-kun?**

And everyone, though they didn't understand Sakura at all, turned to stare at the Uchiha who was glaring at his rival.

"_Yikes_..." was Kakashi's only response.

"I . . . I never knew a baby could glare like _that_..." Hinata shuddered.

"His aura . . . it's scarier . . . than Orochimaru." Naruto said, finally done crying.

"Orow-i-maa-roo?" **Orochimaru?** (A/N: Did I _need_ to translate that?) Baby Sakura's head turned this way and that. "Oo-eier?" **Where? **Being a little baby reversed all of Sakura's courage, tears were now forming in her eyes. "Oo-eier esz de secri mmein?" **Where is the scary man?**

"Oh, no, now you've done it." Kakashi said, now covering his ears.

Baby Sasuke ran up to Hinata and pulled on the girl's shirt. "Stouop er!" **Stop her!** "bdEfour...!" **Before...!**

"Now, now, Saki, don't—"

"_WAAAAAAAAAH_!" Sakura's cry was so loud that the whole ninja world and the whole ninja afterworld could hear. "IIISSSOOOOU!" **SSSHISSSOOOOU!**

"OH, NOO!" Naruto was panicking now. "She called for—"

But before Naruto could finish his sentence, the whole world seemed to have turned into the apacolypse. The birds stopped singing, the earth started shaking, trees were falling, and a trail of smoke rose in the air.

"WHERE _IS_ SHE?"

"Oh, lord..." Kakashi's face paled. "Naruto, you _better_ start running or at least find a hiding spot."

"_WHERE'S_ MY APPRENTICE?"

"Eh-heh, how much do you want to bet that she'll come directly after _me_?" Naruto asked. "I mean, maybe she'll go after Sasuke?"

"_NARUTO_!"

"Nope!" Baby Sasuke smirked.

"COME OUT AND FACE ME LIKE THE WORM YOU _ARE_!"

"Yikes!" And Naruto, not knowing what to do, hid his head in the ground like an osterich would.

"Hn, Dobe."

"NARUTO!" Tsunade was upon them in seconds. She grabbed Naruto's collar and ripped him out of the dirt and shook him in the air. "WHERE—IS—MY—_APPRENTICE_?"

"Well . . . funny thing . . . about that..." Kakashi laughed nervously and pointed at Hinata. "She's right there."

And Tsunade froze and her head slowly turned to the Hyuga heiress. For a long, long, long, long while, she didn't move and only stared. But once she regained herself, she dropped Naruto, and her head turned from him and then back to Hinata over and over again.

"Baachan?" Naruto asked, too afraid of her reaction. _Oh, god, here it comes... I, Uzumaki Naruto, leave all my belongings to—_

"HOLY S**T! HINATA, WHEN WERE YOU _PREGNANT_?" Tsunade shrieked. "CONGRADS! But Hinata, how come those children don't look like you or Naruto and like Sakura and Sasuke?"

"Well . . . that . . ." Hinata was turning bloody red.

Baby Sakura reached out for her teacher. "I . . . I . . . Isou..." **Shisou...** She cried.

"HOLD THE COW! IT _IS_ SAKURA AND SASUKE, ISN'T IT?"

"Hn?" **It? We're _people_, you know!** Sasuke was back to glaring now.

And Tsunade was back to holding Naruto by the collar and shaking him til he turned blue and red and black. "YOU _FOOL_! DO YOU THINK KONOHA CAN SURVIVE ANOTHER PUBERTY FROM THOSE TWO? SASUKE WENT CRAZY WITH 'I-GOTTA-DESTROY-KONOHA' REVENGE AND SAKURA WAS WRECKING BUILDINGS! HOW ARE YOU GOING TO COMPENSATE FOR THE FUTURE DAMAGE, HUH?"

**That was _so NOT_ puberty! **both Baby Sakura and Sasuke were now glaring at Tsunade. But if things kept going like this then they couldn't gurantee the safety of their home village.

✿°. ·∴続ける∴· .°✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

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><p><strong>Start giving me some ideas, you guys! I <em>need<em> it!**

**Also, CHECK OUT MY POLL!**

**P.S. I'll be working on the next chapter of _Top Girl_, for those of you who have been patiently waiting for so long for a new chappie to that story.**

**P.S. 2. Read _True Heroes_ by littledustbunny! It's a real good story! I loved it!**


	2. Lullaby 2

-In which, what Madara couldn't accomplish could be done by two little babies

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><p><strong>Don't worry! I didn't forget about this story! I was just planning it out!<strong>

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><p>°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°<p>

❤❀~Chapter Two~❀❤

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

"Hn." **We attack at dawn.**

"_Nuo_! I thawt dhe plwan waiz two atytiwack wshtend he _aislkepts_!" **_No_! I thought the plan was to attack when he's _asleep_!**

"Hn." **No, you annoying girl. It was _always_ at dawn. Gosh, you're even more annoying as a baby than as a teenager. **

"TWAKDE DHWEAT BWARCK!" **TAKE THAT BACK!** And Baby Sakura lunged at Baby Sasuke.

Naruto chose then to come in from the kitchen. "AH! NO, BABY SAKURA-CHAN! YOU CAN'T PUNCH BABY TEME, NO MATTER HOW MUCH OF A JERK HE WAS TO YOU! _OY_! ARE YOU _LISTENING_, BABY SAKURA-CHAN? _ACK_! NO, _DON'T_ TRY AND POKE OUT HIS UNDERDEVELOPED EYES! WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU ACTUALLY INJURE HIS SHARINGAN? TSUNADE WILL _KILL _ME! NO, COME ON! _STOP IT_!"

"Wow, Dickless is really having a hard time," Sai stated. "I mean, it was already hard when Ugly and the Traitor wouldn't talk to each other and used Naruto as a messenger that first month Team 7 was put back together, but _this_!" He could only shake his head in dismay. "It's like they _want_ to torture him!"

_Oh, Sai, you have _no _idea..._ Hinata thought before walking over to the fighting baby duo. "N-now now, st-stop this!" She untangled Sakura's fists from Sasuke's hair and picked the baby girl up. "Sakura, I thought . . . that you were m-more _mature_ than this! Now apologize to Sasuke r-right now!"

But Baby Sakura glared at the now smirking Baby Sasuke.

"S-say it!" For a girl who stuttered, Hinata was suprisingly scary . . . well, from a baby's point of view.

"Swray..." the pink-haired baby apologized.

"_Wow_..." Naruto was in total awe. "You're so _good_ with babies, Hinata-chan!"

"_Babies_?"

The blonde froze when he heard that voice. _Aw,_ crap_! It's..._

"Hinata-sama, whose kids are those?" Neji asked, already at his cousin side, unable to believe his eyes.

"Well, it's a funny story, Neji," Naruto started out, scratching his head and forcing out a few laughs. _Crap! I better make sure he doesn't misunderstands!_ "You see, they're—"

"Papa."

"_WHAT_?" Naruto looked down at the Baby Uchiha who now hugged his leg.

"Hn." **Bye, _bye,_ Dobe.** "Papa," Baby Sasuke repeated with an evil smile on his face.

And unfortunately for Naruto, Sakura realized what Sasuke's plan was. "Mama!" she cried, snuggling into Hinata's chest.

"WHAT? _YOU TOO_?" Naruto screamed, feeling completely betrayed.

"Ooh, tough luck for _you_, Dickless," Sai said, a blank scroll out, ready to draw the oncoming chase.

"YOU SHUT UP, SAI!" Naruto turned back to the now fuming Hyuga prodigy. "Now, now, Neji, before you do anything rash, let me explain! I—"

"_You…_" The boy was _definitely _fuming. In fact, he was so angry that smoke was coming out of his ears. "_You_ did this." A finger was pointed at the blonde. "You defiled Hinata-sama… _You…_" He was so angry he couldn't even finish any of his sentences. "I'll _kill _you for that!" And he pounced.

"WHAT? _NO_! NEJI! _PLEASE_, LET ME EXPLAIN! THOSE AREN'T _MY_ KIDS!"

Time froze then, and Naruto thought he was in the clear, but...

"You're _abandoning_ Hinata-sama after _knocking her up_?"

"WHAT? NO! NEJI! _PLEASE_! YOU'RE LOOKING AT THIS ALL _WRONG_! THOSE TWO ARE SASUKE-TEME AND SAKURA-CHAN!"

"A LIKELY STORY!"

"NO, I'M TELLING THE _TRUTH_!"

"Hn?" **Do you think we went a bit too far?** Sasuke asked of his fellow turned-into-a-baby teammate.

"Oh, twhawt nuwot gwudying twwoo fwar." **Oh, _that's_ not going too far.** She held up a pair of scissors and walked over to Neji and pulled on his hair. "Dwtis izz." **_This_ is. **And she cut off a large part of Neji's beautiful hair.

And when Neji realized this, he screamed. "WHO DID THIS TO MY _HAIR_?"

And expertedly, Sakura stuck the pair of scissors in Naruto's hands.

"_YOU_!" Neji accused.

"No, it wasn't—" But Naruto sighed, giving up. "Fine! You know _what_?" he said to his two teammates. "I'm sending you two to live with Kakashi-sensei."

Both babies' faces fell ashen.

✿°. ·∴続ける∴· .°✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

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><p><strong>Done!<strong>


	3. Lullaby 3

-In which, what Madara couldn't accomplish could be done by two little babies

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><p><strong>Hiya! I'm back with this story! Also, you guys, read my new chapter of <em>It's funny when<em>. A lot of people are saying it's a nice chapter, and it has the new Haruno family starring in it if you're interested.**

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><p>°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°<p>

❤❀~Chapter Three~❀❤

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

This was bad. _Very_ bad. And what's worse was that Baby Sasuke was tied down to the chair right across from her and thus causing her to have no allies in this situation. And so, sitting in the high chair, with her arms tied to her waist, Baby Sakura squirmed, trying to get away from the spoonful of tonic. But Kakashi wouldn't have that. With his free hand, he held Baby Sakura's head in place and, with his fingers pressing into her cheeks, caused her jaw to drop open. And he popped the spoon into her mouth.

It was the most _foulest_ thing she ever tasted, and so she cried. How could her sensei treat her like this when she was just an infant? It just wasn't _fair_!

"Alright, your turn, Sasuke."

Kakashi was out to torture them, Baby Sasuke knew, torture them like they did to Naruto. And the little Uchiha could swear his sensei had an evil smile underneath that mask of his and was crackling evilly in his mind.

And so, when the spoon of tonic came his way, Sasuke mustered all the chakra he could and puffed out a fireball. It was a tiny and useless little thing, and Kakashi was able to dodge it but, when the fireball hit the tablecloth, the fabric bursted into flames.

"Ah! That was my mother's!" Kakashi wailed, hurrying to free his two infant students from their seats, for he knew that Tsunade (and maybe Naruto but maybe not since Sasuke and Sakura had gotten him on Neji's bad side) would kill him if the two shinobi-turned-babies were burned to death.

But freeing them turned out to be his worst mistake because, the minute Baby Sasuke and Baby Sakura were free, they made a run for it. And Kakashi couldn't chase after them right away because he had to sae his mother's precious tablecloth.

And so the two babies ran (but not before smashing the bottle of tonic) and tried to find a good hiding spot. But there were no good hiding spots. They had already wrecked the living room, sitting room, hallways, bathrooms, and now the kitchen. The only place left was...

"AH! Noo, saa-uu-k! Nawt kawkawshyee-sewnsay's _rwoon_!" **AH! No, Sasuke-kun! Not Kakashi-sensei's room!** Sakura was freaking out at this point. "I dawnt wannie bee scwarred fawr liwrife!" **I don't wanna be scarred for life! **"_NOOO_!"

"Hn!" **We don't have a choice! Now come on!** And so Sasuke opened the door and dragged the unwilling female baby in with him.

And the room surprised them. It wasn't a pervert's paradise as they had initally thought. It was actually a very simple bedroom with no decorations whatsoever.

"_Whew_!" Sakura sighed in relief, a hand to her heart. "Awnd I thawt fawr swuare thwat hwis rwoon lould bee a nwightmware." **And I thought for sure that his room would be a nightmare.**

"Baby Sakura, Baby Sasuke, come out, come out, wherever you are~!"

Both shinobi-turned-infants tensed. They weren't out of the woods yet.

"Hwurrie! Intoo hwis closwet!" **Hurry! Into his closet!** Baby Sasuke told Sakura.

But when they opened the closet door, a stack of Make-Out Paradise books fell on top of them, posters of girls in swimsuits landed somewhere nearby, and M-rated movies followed suit, hitting poor Baby Sasuke on the head and effectively knocking him out.

"Ah-_ha_! There you are!" Kakashi said, coming into the room. "Now you—_Gah_!" He gasped when he saw his secret stash of porn all over his floor, and he panicked when he saw Sakura looking through his favorite book. "Now, Sakura-chan, this isn't what it looks like!"

But it was too late. Sakura had what she needed to torture Kakashi, and so she let out her crocodile tears and screamed, "IIISSSOOOOU!" **SSSHISSSOOOOU!**

"Oh, no..." Kakashi had no time to defend himself when a superhuman punch came his way and punched him into the wall. He would have gone through the wall too, had the support beam not been there.

"Kakashi," Tsunade growled, holding Sakura and Sasuke in her arms, the former sticking her tongue out at her sensei, "Are you serious here? You're giving porn to _babies_? I know Sakura and Sasuke aren't really babies, but _really_? How could you corrupt their poor, innocent minds? I don't need any more _perverts_ in this village!"

"But . . . Hokage-sama, you see—"

"No buts! From now on until they're cured, Sasuke and Sakura will be staying with me at the Hokage mansion!"

Kakashi knew he couldn't fight the Hokage's final decision. "Yes, ma'am." _Well, at least, they're out of my house. And this will give Tsunade the chance to see how devillish her apprentice really is..._

"And also, don't think I'm letting you go so easily, Hatake Kakashi. Your porn will be burned in the town square!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Baby Sakura and Baby Sasuke chuckled at their sensei's dismay.

✿°. ·∴続ける∴· .°✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

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><p><strong>Done! I didn't think this was really a good chapter, but hopefully it's good enough for you guys!<strong>

**Tell me, should I end the story the next chapter or should I have Sakura and Sasuke move to another person's home? If it's the second choice, whose home should they move into?**


	4. Lullaby 4

-In which, what Madara couldn't accomplish could be done by two little babies

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><p><strong>So! I'm back to this story after an eleven month's absence—it was supposed to be six months but I got writer's block as you will see in this chapter—sorry for that. I really couldn't think of anything for this story. Plus, AP Biology totally killed my creativity and free time, but hopefully you guys like this chapter (I seriously doubt it, though).<strong>

**PS. Sakura has a lot of speaking parts in this, so if there's bolded words but no baby words before it then that's Sakura speaking since I got lazy in typing out the baby talk.**

**Again, I'm sorry for this crappy chapter! I just needed to update something to show you guys I'm not dead!**

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><p>°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°<p>

❤❀~Chapter Four~❀❤

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

The smell was _hor-ri-ble_! Little Baby Sasuke did not _understand_ how Baby Sakura could just sit there and ignore this godawful stench! It was absolute _murder_ to his sensitive itsy-bitsy nose! It just couldn't be sake! It just couldn't be! And if it was then he vowed that he would _never ever_ have even a _sip_ of that disgusting fermented rice wine!

"Yaya~! You know, Uchiha . . . heh, even as a little toddler," slurred a drunken Tsunade whose l's came out as r's and whose t's and d's were switched, "your countenance is still just as bad~yea! You sure pick up the real bad traits of your clan quickly~!"

Now, had Sasuke been his real age then he might have stung the Hokage with his Chidori Nagashi. However, as it was, he was reduced to a useless infant/toddler person-thing, and so he could do nothing but glare at the wasted lady. And glare, he did.

"Goo souutn' gwal, saa-uu-k," **You shouldn't glare, Sasuke-kun. **Baby Sakura said as she took the calligraphy brush and dipped it into ink. "Do sumthring pudokdiv." **Do something productive.**

"Tch, and what are _you_ doing?" Yes, Sasuke could talk in full sentences. He just chose not to in front of watching people, not wanting them to hear his little lisp. And since Tsunade was drunk, he decided that he _would_ talk in full adult sentences. (What a smart evil Uchiha baby.)

"Sumthring pudokdiv." **Something productive.** "Siu?" **See?** And little Baby Sakura held up the papers she had written on.

_By decree of Fifth Hokage Tsunade of the Senju clan,_ the paper had started, _I declare that every shinobi must get their physical checkup by the end of this month. If any shinobi decides not to follow my decree then there will be reparations made. Appointments must be made by the end of this week and must be followed through or any shinobi found not following this law shall be..._

"Ay deen't tjwink ov ahni arseh kon-cee-kwences yit, bot Ay vill." **I didn't think of any harsh consequences yet, but I will.**

"And _why_ would you do this?"

**"How _else_ would the village still be standing? Shisou's drunk half of the time, so either Shizune or I will write up the new decrees. Imagine what would happen if Tsunade wrote decrees when drunk. **_**Ugh**._**"**

And suddenly, Sasuke had a great idea. He took the brush right out of Baby Sakura's chubby infant hands and began forging Tsunade's handwriting on a new piece of paper.

_Note to self: never let Naruto lead another mission again._

"Goo noow..." **You know...** "Dekneekari, ik yas't _Naaludo'z_ hult." **_Technically_, it wasn't _Naruto's_ fault.**

"Are you _trying_ to say something?"

The pink-haired baby said nothing more.

"Sakura!"

"**It's _nothing,_ just... ****I remember very clearly that it was a boy hell-bent on revenge that caused us to get where we are right now.**"

". . . Are you trying to imply something?"

"**No... How about I get us some tomatoes?"**

"Sakura!"

"**Hey, do you know that, ever since we've turned into babies, you've been using my name more and more?**"

". . . Is that supposed to be relevant?"

"**It depends. Did I distract you long enough that you now have forgotten that I was implying an insult directly at you?"**

"Haruno Sakura, if you don't stop trying to change the subject, I'll—"

"**You know what? I'm kinda thirsty.**" And little baby Sakura reached for the bottle next to her sleeping drunk mentor.

"Wait, Sakura, that's—"

But the toddler Uchiha's warnings came too late because little Sakura took a giant gulp of the liquid inside and started hiccuping.

"—sake..."

And almost as if that word was magic, Sakura's hiccuping got even worse, and her little infant baby started convulsing in an almost jump-like manner.

"**I *hic* don't *hic* feel so *hic* good...**"

"Of course, you wouldn't feel good, you annoying girl! You just drank alcohol as a baby!"

"**Don't *hic* yell at *hic* me!**" And now baby Sakura was crying and hiccuping and hopping at the same time. And speaking of her hopping, with each hiccup, the little pink-haired baby got higher and higher off her mentor's desk. And with a giant hiccup, Sakura was flying off the wooden table. Luckily, she hadn't lost too much of her ninja skills and grabbed a hold of the chandelier. "**Sasuke-kun! *hic* Get me *hic* down! *hic* I'm *hic* scared of *hic* heights!**"

"Oh, crap!" Little Sasuke ran as fast as his stubby little legs would take him. If Sakura fell onto the floor as she was now . . . well, let's just say it wouldn't be anything less than scattered baby brains on the floor.

"Oh my god! Lady Tsunade!"

And fortunately for them, Shizune opened the door to the office then and saw the disaster that was to play out. Oh, why did she ever think it was a good idea to leave two shinobi-turned-infants with Konoha's alcoholic of a Hokage? Oh God have mercy...

✿°. ·∴続ける∴· .°✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

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><p><strong>Done with this chapter, though it's not really all that funny... It's really baby this time. Um...someone give me ideas, please?<strong>


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